Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Update...

Well, I didn't lose weight by vacation. Or by my 30th birthday. Or by Christmas. BUT I have lost 10.8 lbs in 2010. I am not exactly sure what has finally "clicked" in my head, but I am glad that it has. Maybe it's because I turned 30. Or maybe because I already achieved one of my goals (becoming a homeowner). I just know that it is somehow easier this time. I am eating right and it doesn't bother me that I am not eating the things I once craved. I am exercising and not whining about it. I am not doing all of this with shear willpower, in fact willpower doesn't seem to have anything to do with it at all. I am not white-knuckling it, it just is what it is. I think it is sticking this time. I know it has only been 20 days, but every one of them has been easy. I'm excited...

Monday, June 22, 2009

Sometimes you are just too busy to worry about your fat

Yeah, I know it is an excuse. But holy cow, I don't know when I am supposed to fit exercise into my life. I bought the EA Active game and will completely admit to abandoning it already. I have a husband, 2 kids, 2 jobs, piano lessons, dance lessons (thankfully over for a little while), a house and yard to maintain, family obligations, friend obligations...the list goes on. I am doing my best to eat fairly healthy and I've lost 3 pounds, but holy heck where do I fit the exercise in. I am probably doomed to fatness until I can AT LEAST start working from home full time. I really hope that is in the near future, maybe by the end of the year.

However, I am going on vacation at the end of September, so somewhere in this crazy, hectic life I must lose weight. I don't want to go to the beach and hang out in a bathing suit looking like Shamu. Something's gotta give. WTF, people???

Thursday, June 4, 2009

EA Active

Ok, so it took me a little longer to post than I had hoped. Life is crazy right now. :-) I wanted to post a little bit on the EA Active software for Wii. I call it software, because you can't really call it a game. It is much too serious to be lumped into the game category. So, what I have learned so far is that I am beyond out of shape. This program is kicking my ass. My whole body hurts, which is a good thing I guess, because it is working more muscles than I knew I had. Basically, it takes you through a workout customized to your body type and fitness level. The exercises themselves are not that difficult, but they add up to one pretty decent workout. I burn about 200 - 250 calories per 20 minute workout. I'm sure that number will go up when I start into more intense routines later down the road. The exercises consist of running, several boxing exercises, tennis, rollerblading, lunges, squats, etc. There is also a stretch band included that you use to tone muscle. So far, I'm pretty impressed. It doesn't get boring, because you are constantly changing exercises (like 16 - 18 activities per 20 min workout). I started the program on Monday, and I'm not going to weigh in until next Monday. Although I'm not expecting too much because I have been eating like crap this week. We'll see what happens.

Monday, June 1, 2009

30 day Challenge

Today I went out and bought the EA Active game for my Wii. It is basically a much more affordable personal trainer than you can get at the gym. I have committed myself to sticking out the 30 day challenge that begins today. I'm not exactly sure what it involves yet, but I've already committed to it. :-) I will report more once I get it home and out of the box. I am going to do my best to get up in the morning and work out when the house is quiet and there are no excuses not to. I have way too many distractions after work.

I'll try and give you a report later on tonight about the game and the challenge. Not much of a blog, I know...but I needed to waste a few minutes before I can leave work. Later!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

I'm fat...

I know, I know...shocking, isn't it? I was surprised when I found out too. Now that I know, I really have to do something about it. I have accepted the fact that I will never be "skinny". I don't think that I am built for that. I think my goal, right now, is to be in a size that is less than 20. When I get that far, then I will re-evaluate.

Right now I am aiming for not gross. I'm not going to get all mushy and reflective right now because I don't think that I could handle that. I'm sure it will come up later. I will just continue to put on a happy face and go on being the jolly fat person for awhile.

I'm thinking about posting my weight on here. I have not revealed that number to ANYONE, not even my husband. I am ashamed of it. However, the more people that know what it is, the more people to hold me accountable. If I keep it to myself, there is no one to scold me. AND that also means there is no one to praise me and support me, either. We'll see. I am going to have to work myself up to that one.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Ugh...

I am not in a good place right now. I think this blog is indeed my therapy. I don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to about all of the crazy things that have been bothering me. Everybody has their own problems, they are stressed enough, they have their own crazy hectic schedules...I just don't feel like I should bother anyone with it. I know, "this too shall pass". It's just going to be rough until it does. I have to put on a happy face for everyone and it is getting harder. I know I am loved and I am going to let that carry me through this.

Monday, March 9, 2009

I probably need therapy...

Of course, therapy is expensive so that won't be happening any time soon. I'm just so confused all of the time. There are so many things in my life that make me want to cry, but when I start to dwell on those things I want to kick my own ass because there is so much good in my life. Why don't I dwell on THOSE things. I should be happy all day, every day. I am blessed with an amazing husband, 2 healthy beautiful daughters, the best dad in the world, the most amazing sister, and the best friends you could ever ask for. Both my husband and I are employed, the economy has had very little effect on our daily lives. We have a roof over our head and are just months away from owning our first home. I have NO RIGHT to complain about anything, and yet there are these nagging feelings and situations that are preventing me from completely enjoying the blessings in my life.

I have to talk about my mom for a minute. It sucks. I don't want to, but I need to. I don't feel like I have anybody that understands how I feel and my point of view on this situation. Truth be told, I don't even understand completely. All I know is that my mother did something that is unforgivable in my eyes. Then she completely cut off communication with me and my family (her grandchildren) for several months. Then all of the sudden she wants back in, but she wants it on her terms. And she was upset when I did let her back in and things were awkward. How could they not be awkward after what transpired? I opened up to her and explained my side of the situation and told her that I was not ready to accept her new life and new boyfriend...I was honest because I don't believe in being dishonest with my family. And she turned around and made it completely about her and had no regard whatsoever for my feelings or for the responsibility I have to my own family. I don't know how to resolve these feelings into some sort of workable solution. I don't like that my siblings feel like they have to lie to me when it comes to their own relationship with our mom. I don't fault them for making a different decision than I have. I don't care if they went to her house for Thanksgiving or if they go shopping with her. I just care that they feel like they have to hide it from me. The truth is that I wish I still had that with her. She is my mom and I will always love her. But I cannot accept what she did to my dad and I cannot accept the person she is now living with. And she has made it very clear to me that they are a package deal, and so I was forced to make a choice. I just wish that there was someone I could talk to that understands...but there isn't. I guess that's why I just spent a 1/2 hour writing it down. Her 50th birthday is this week and I don't know what to do. The daughter in me says to at least send her a card, but the woman in me is pissed that she doesn't even bother to check up on her grandchildren and she doesn't deserve the acknowledgment. I guess I have a choice to make.

There are at least 2 or 3 more reasons why I probably need therapy...maybe I will go into those later. I've exhausted all of my blogging energy for right now. I think I will try and do a happy one next time to balance out the douchiness of this blog.